What Might Have Been
by CianMorgan
Summary: AU. Kurt's in love. Sam loves him as well, but feels that he needs to serve his country, so he joins the Marines, but he doesn't come back. Now Kurt is getting over his death and trying to put his life back together.


**Title: **What Might Have Been

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I didn't even start this thinking that it would end up this pairing first. I don't know why this one got written. All mistakes are mine, but hopefully there won't be any since I have an awesome beta. Nevertheless, yeah don't sue. I'm a broke college student on break looking for work.

**Summary: **AU. Kurt's in love. Sam loves him as well, but feels that he needs to serve his country, so he joins the Marines, but he doesn't come back. Now Kurt is getting over his death and trying to put his life back together. However, pesky feelings become problematic when he falls for one of his best friends. Does he let himself

fall, or does he fight it?

Sam came up behind him and buried his head into Kurt's neck.

"I'm gonna miss this. Holding you and just having this time for ourselves." He was leaving tomorrow for training camp. Kurt was worried about him. He kissed the skin of Kurt's neck.

"What am I going to do without you?" Kurt asked, not wanting to let him go.

"You move on. Remember me, but don't hold me too close that someone can't love you or you them. I want you to fall in love again. I don't want you hiding yourself and pining for me if I come back in a wooden coffin. I love you too much for that." He sighed and reached down for the hand that held the ring that promised they would get married.

"Promise me that if I die you mourn for a bit and someday find someone else to love." Kurt let out a sob.

"I promise. I love you so much. I don't know what I'm going to do if you come back in a casket." Sam kissed the side of his neck again.

"Let me love you tonight so I have something to hold me while we are apart."

Kurt led him to the bed where he was slowly undressed with kisses randomly placed everywhere.

"I love you so much Kurt." He undressed himself with a haste he didn't normally use. He wanted to make this a memory that would last a thousand lifetimes. He nipped and sucked bits of Kurt's body as he prepared him slowly and gently. He ripped a condom open and rolled it on before coming up and kissing Kurt gently as he slowly slid in. Kurt stared at him and wondered if this would be the last time they ever did this. He moved slowly to match each other's thrusts. Kurt threaded his fingers through Sam's hair and kissed him gently. He wanted this to last, but he knew it wouldn't seeing as they were too caught up in each other. He groaned and twisted his hips and clenched down as he came calling out Sam's name. Sam groaned and came with Kurt's name on his lips. He cuddled him close and softened inside of him before pulling out and disposing the condom properly.

Kurt pulled him close one last time before he boarded the flight.

"I love you so much Sam Evans. You had better come back to me and not in a wooden coffin." He kissed him deeply before shoving him towards the gate. Sam waved goodbye and headed off. That was the last time Kurt Hummel saw his fiancé alive.

The funeral was short and bittersweet. Sam was dead and Kurt was barely living. He was a broken man. The love of his life was laying in a coffin not even twenty feet from his chair. The official news was that Sam had stopped terrorists from killing a small school full of kids. He hadn't stopped crying since a man had stood in his doorway and informed him that Sam Evans would not be coming home.

He was startled briefly at the flag being given to him. He looked up at Sam and his best friend Noah. They all had changed from high school. Noah Puckerman, Sam Evans, Finn Hudson, and David Karofsky had enlisted and served in the same squad together. They were all there to say goodbye to their friend and fellow soldier. David leaned heavily on his cane. The explosion that killed Sam injured David enough to be honorably discharged. Kurt broke down and sobbed into the flag. He stayed like that through out the funeral. Noah, Finn, and David got him back home.

Kurt sat on the couch and stared at the flag.

"He's really not coming home," he said in a tiny voice. David sat down next to him.

"No but if I could have changed places I would have. He loved you so much." Kurt sobbed but David gathered him in his arms.

"Just let it all out. Come on Kurt. It will make you feel just a bit better." Noah sat a beer in front of Kurt. "Have a few beers, get shit-faced, do whatever you need to, just grieve. Do that for us, we lost him too. Not the way you did but just as much as you did."

Kurt pulled himself out of David's arms. He wiped his tears away and grabbed the beer while pulling a face at it. It wasn't his normal drink of choice, but since he didn't think they would let him get the hard stuff out, he sipped his beer. He took a few more sips and grimaced.

"Finn, go into the basement and grab me the wine coolers that are in there. I can't drink this stuff any more." Finn nodded and headed to do that. David took the beer to finish it. There were two rules when it came to booze. First, you don't waste it. Second; you don't waste it. Well that was his option anyways. Finn brought back a few wine coolers that Kurt would drink. The rest were in the kitchen's fridge. Kurt popped one open and took a long swig of it.

"You know I keep these around for the girls. However, seeing as its noon in the middle of the week. I doubt your gonna let me get into the hard stuff. Which I can't blame you." The three boys grinned.

"Nope. That only leads to alcoholism. Can't have that for our best friend, now can we?" Noah smirked.

"Besides, Sammy boy would kick our asses if we let you become one." Kurt's heart broke at the mention of Sam, but he put a brave face for his friends.

"Here's to Samuel Tristan Evans. The love of my life and our best friend." They lifted their beers and all joined in for a round of 'here here's.

Kurt spent the rest of the day drinking and thinking about Sam. He drank with his friends that helped him slowly start to get past Sam's death. He decided to go back to school and took whatever classes caught his interest. He still had those days where he couldn't get out of bed though.

Kurt looked in the mirror one day and realized it didn't hurt to get up and face the world. He owed it to David. The man had been there for every crying outburst, screaming fit, and even the dead silence that followed. He felt a flutter in his chest when he thought about David, which made him sit down.

"No, no, no, this can't be happening. You love Sam. You don't love Dave. Sam, oh Sam, what am I going to do?" He started to sob.

Sam's words floated back into his head. _"You move on. Remember me, but don't hold me too close that someone can't love you or you them. I want you to fall in love again. I don't want you hiding yourself and pining for me if I come back in a wooden coffin. I love you too much for that."_

He gasped when he looked around. It sounded like Sam was next to him. "Sam?" He swore he heard the words _"Love him."_ He started to cry even harder. He had lost Sam yet again.

He got himself cleaned up after he finished crying. He decided to call Mercedes and tell her what he thought he heard.

"Hey baby boy. What's up?" He sighed.

"I thought I heard Sam." She groaned.

"Honey not again. He is gone. Gone. He isn't coming back. He's in heaven. He would want you to move on." Kurt was livid.

"Don't you think I know that? It's not easy closing that box of feelings I have for him. I loved him since high school Mercedes! I was planning on marrying him! I love him so much." Mercedes started to cry from her side of the phone call.

"Kurt, I-"

"I gotta go," Kurt choked out. He hung up and crawled into their bed. It didn't smell like Sam at all but it was still theirs.

He stayed in the bed for the rest of the day, until someone came into the bedroom. It was David.

"Hey, Mercedes called me and told me you weren't answering her phone calls anymore." Kurt sighed and pushed himself into a sitting position.

"I woke up fine, but then I thought I heard him. Damn it Dave, why him? WHY HIM?" He broke down again, and David just sat next to him, pulling him into his embrace.

"I don't know," he told him honestly. "It should have been me in that pine box. Not him. Never him. I wish I could go back and stop him from saving me so he could come home to you. He loved you so much. And I wish I could give him back to you." They sat there embracing and comforting each other.

"I don't ever want you to say that again," Kurt whispered. "You're just as important to everyone as he was. No one deserves to be brought home in a coffin." Dave stiffened at those words. Kurt didn't notice seeing as he fell asleep after telling him that.

"If only I could believe that, Kurt," he murmured into Kurt's hair. He moved him into a laying down position. "If only I could believe that." He kissed his forehead gently before leaving.

**(A/N: I don't even know where all this came out but hey, my muse works. I thought it keeled over. Anyways I'm working on the second chapter. I hope you like my rambling fanfiction. I like it but then again when I hate something people love it. So me liking means someone has to hate this. Reviews help me become better, so please review!)**


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